Q: Sometimes I would cum but most time not as I was concentrating on him not me. But when we were done there was no semen. I thought perhaps he didn't have a lot and my vagina soaked it up but I have no clue. Maybe why he would not cum in my mouth because he had none and didn't want to divulge his non-manhood.
A: That non-manhood comment is pretty rough, honey. Ease up. Hemingway wrote “The Sun Also Rises” about a guy who had an injury to his penis post WWI, and all he could do was watch as other men fucked the woman he loved. It’s so sad. But the hero of that book, Jake Barnes, was more a real man than the idiots his girl was taking to her room. One thing I’ve found is that it hurts my ego if the woman doesn’t orgasm, though some women cum easy and some take all year. Given my choice, I’d take the girl I can bring off with my cock rather than an hour of blowing her.
Q: He has a violent temper to prove it. When we argued he would overpower me with his voice and basically hang up when he knew he was losing.
A: What did you fight about? If it were jealousy issues, that is one thing. You might have been too confining to him. Was it about money? Kids? Work? It matters.
Q: I came back to MySpace to add just my girlfriends to chat again and make silly comments to each other and have some fun. I thought I would check and see if he ever got off and there he was with new faces. He told me it was his son playing with his account. If that is so then why did he not delete them as he added others in. Lie Lie Lie. He knows I caught him and he can't get out of it.
A: If it’s over, he’s entitled to get back out there, just as you are, dear. If it is still a relationship, he is still entitled to be in an electronic community, even with sexual discussion topics, and he (and you) are actually allowed to flirt with the opposite sex. It raises libido. It only becomes morally wrong if (a) he makes you jealous over stuff like that, either intentionally or not, and (b) if he acts on a flirtation and meets someone else for the purpose of sex. The question becomes, is seeing another woman for a drink cheating? Gray area. If it’s a work relationship, friends, even with sexual tension, it’s probably okay. If it is a woman he found on the web and they are meeting in secret for a drink, odds are it is a tryst, but even then it may demonstrate to him that you are the woman for him because no one else adds up. I’ve done that before. Just to help with the feeling of claustrophobia I felt inside a relationship. It was good to know I had the freedom to talk to other people, and having that freedom made me love the woman I was with all the more.
Q: If he really loved me as he said he did and wanted to marry me he would make up for it but his immaturity and maybe his fear of real commitment is tearing him away.
A: The idea of marriage is difficult for us divorced guys. We want the commitment and the good things but it is too frightening to consider in the light of day. Many is the time that on one sip of wine I’ve proposed to the girlfriend, and the next morning on one sip of coffee I’m asking myself what the hell I thought I was doing. In addition, your phrase “if he really loved me he would…” makes me think you are injecting your personality into him. Remember, men are different. Also, if you feel that someone is not delivering on the treatment you feel you deserve in a romantic relationship, you should discuss it calmly, but realize that you could be opening a discussion about ending the affair.
A: As for me did I really love the man or was it the thought that someone of his stature could love someone like me. Was I infatuated by the thought of being in a real relationship. The thought that I could tolerate some of his weaknesses and flaws. That I had found someone who was a friend and a lover. I don't know but I am very angry now and am at the point that I am not taking the lies anymore. I don't want it to end but I do. When a man says he loves me OK but when he asks me to marry him....nope playing around stops at all levels.
A: I suspect that this was not “true love” in that you wanted him for reasons other than selflessly loving him. Or it is “sour grapes.” Tough to tell. Wait for the anger to subside and then ask yourself some hard questions. Did you love him selflessly or selfishly? Was it your desire for him to be yours like a possession or would you love him like a friend and always be there for him? Remember, a friend will help you move, but a true friend will help you move a body. Friendship love is as close to real love as we can get other than parental love. So much of romantic love is selfish and it is more obsession than love. That’s what I think this might have been for you, an obsession. Obsessions masquerade as love but are far from it.
Q: Am I being too harsh? I fluctuate in my feelings for him. One side of me says Yes and the other side says No. I am so depressed over this. I have the opportunity to go out with several men on MySpace and other sites and even some repeat boyfriends have come back in the picture but I have been holding off because I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Can you give me some advice?
A: The emotional pain you’re going through is because the relationship ended. It sounds like it was flawed in fatal ways and that you are better off for having moved on. That said, it is also important, when the anger fades, to understand what went wrong so you can avoid repeating the mistakes.
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