From Exorcist Girl, a 42 year old gorgeous blonde nurse:
Dear Playboy Author Boy,
What is wrong with me?
I had a hot sex date lined up with Attorney Boy, who was so excited to see me and has been emailing for the past 2months and I just couldn't do it. I went out and bought new coral colored lace lingerie and got my hot tub ready. I was going to dress up in a long white rain coat with heels and fun underneath. Then, in the last hour I remembered how I cut Regulation Boy's hair when he came over. How he held me and calmed me down when I had a night terror and woke up kicking and screaming in Colorado. How he helped me take my Christmas tree down and vacuum up the needles. How I laugh and can breathe when he's around. How my son was smiling when Regulation Boy was showing me how to use a power drill. How we both don't sleep well when we are mad at each other. How when we're having sex I almost feel like we are one person.
I all of a sudden became nauseated and got cold feet. You'd think I was getting married or something .I was just going to have sex for pete’s sake.
Regulation Boy and I spoke last night. He doesn't have anyone. He didn't cheat on me. He just logged into his singles website which he said he was going to cancel. I flipped on this wk and told him if he was searching for others then he must not want me. The thing that frustrates me is he will never hold me back by telling me he doesn't want to lose me. He lets me go every time. I've left a whole lot of times some for good reason. He always says I won't tie strings to you. Do what you want to do. He says he could never stay angry at me.
Regulation Boy was going to come over to watch the super bowl with me as I'm oncall for the hospital. He was going to come over even after I had sex with another guy. We would remain friends. I told him I couldn't go through with it and he said I made his day. I guess he knew that no matter what he said to me. It would have to be my decision to leave. He said that he's learned from dating all these years that he will never hold anyone back even if he's crazy about her. He just won't tell her. He's just that way.
I told Attorney Boy the truth. That I think I'm still in love with someone else and can't be with him. I feel so bad.
What is wrong with me?
Love,
Exorcist Girl
Dear Exorcist Girl,
I've thought you were in love (still) with Regulation Boy since you first canceled a date with me. You were simply in denial about it.
What I see is your pattern of leaving him to get him to ask you to stay. While a typical feminine tactic, it won't work.
If I teach you nothing at all, I hope to teach you this -- no woman loves a man she controls.
What spins in my head is that since this is true, the problem with an exclusive relationship is that exclusivity means that the female controls all the sex that the man gets and needs. Therefore, she controls him. And thus, controlling him, she cannot love him for the long term.
The only thing that makes this situation livable is insecurity. If the male can place the thought in the female mind that at any moment he could move on, then she is fooled into the thought that she does NOT control him, and therefore she can continue to love him.
Therefore, your push-me-pull-you affair with Regulation Boy is a demonstration of how he is keeping you in love with him.
My hat is off to Regulation Boy. He is "the man." He has kept you interested and in love with him, to the point that you could no longer have sex with a potentially "better" specimen.
My advice is to continue to see Regulation Boy ON HIS TERMS. That will keep your fascination in him at a peak. It will sustain the love. It will allow an enduring relationship.
L,
Playboy Author Boy
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