DEAR PLAYBOY AUTHOR BOY

Dear Playboy Author Boy,

 

Your life is so fucking interesting; that , you have to write a book .

You have one adventure after another.

 

I still can't believe you did not end up with Bat Girl; although, the

  fat lady still has to sing.

 

I need your advice : I'm in love with a man, call him "Fred," and , we've been  been dating  exclusively  for 4 months. We did not have sex till our 13th date and it was groundbreaking plus we have so much fun together. We dance like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers and close the clubs. I've been twice to his condo in South Beach and  Fri. we're going

to his time share in Peurto Vallarta for a week.

 

Everything was going great we were exchanging I love yous and 

together every week-end and during the week. I took a new job which is a killer and we continue to dance  all night.  It finally caught up with me. One night Fred is at my house and after dinner I'm sitting on his lap watching a movie and I fall  asleep. After the second time he convinces me

to go to bed. I assumed he would be joining me. I woke up and he's gone.

 

The next night  he  calls   me and says he  wants to go out with 

other people; because, something is missing but he doesn't

know what it is. I remind him of his ex-wife the religious fanatic.  

The next day I woke up so pissed off from the phone conversation that 

I called him at work. I called him in a rage and told him he was a fucking asshole that if  he just told me he didn't feel the same way it would be one thing; but, he tells me he feels the same way but  something is missing and he doesn't know what it is ? He has his Masters in engineering from Columbia and is always up front with me he says and has not dated anyone else. I lost it. He couldn't get a word in edgewise. I said I feel a shout  coming on praise the lord Alelulia . How dare you compare me to your  ex-wife the religious fanatic ? I don't want to see you anymore. No trip to  Mexico. I'm finished. You couldn't do what I do etc. I still go to my 

AA meeting at 7:00 a.m. then work out at the gym than work till 6:00 p.m. He wants  to come over the next day to talk. Why ? Damn he says your fiesty. He was laughing at me screaming at him and I'm don't you 

fucking dare laugh at me. We decide to just be friends ; because, if he's seeing other people  so am I. We go out to dinner  and dancing. He comes to my house and kisses me  ( not like a friend). We're dancing and he's molded to my body and we're making out. He  stays over and we have amazing sex before we go to sleep and when we wake up. The following week-end we're together again we have a great time  amaZing sex.

I told him my pets adore me.  He says 

I adore you too. What is going on ? We're going to Mexico on Friday.

He's been a great to me till this happened and since I told him off 

he's been great again; but, I'm confused.

What happened?

Signed, Going Batty in Ct

 

 

 

Dear Batty,

 

I'm considering what you said about your guy.  Thanks, by the way, for the compliment about my writing.

 

Anyway, I do have a preliminary opinion -- I think Erol was seriously intending on ending the relationship.  As with all endings, this one was awkward.  I'm attaching some stuff on relationship endings, but the bottom line is that once one party considers a relationship over, it is.  No amount of negotiation will ever change that.

 

In addition, the vexing part is that you spazzed on him and he came back to you.  It is possible that you were pulling your punches with him, treating him artificially too gingerly, or perhaps he got the feeling that you needed to be tested in the Bronx way (more on that later as well).

 

I think that your outburst ~ normally highly unrecommended because I believe when you are dumped you should walk away ~ may have shown him what he considered to be "the real you" and he liked the real you.  Or, were this the Bronx test method, you passed the test by "breaking safe" and at that point he began to trust you more deeply.

 

The higher probability is that he does consider that you are in the "post-relationship" friends-with-benefits stage of your association.  It is possible that he considers that you have agreed to fuck him and see him despite his assertion that he will see other people.  He may still believe that he "transitioned you" into sexual non-monogamy, allowing him to see other women sexually without guilt.  This is a famous player move.  If you ever in the future confront him with fucking someone else, he will say, but we talked about this!  Then you started fucking me after I told you I was no longer monogamous.

 

Not to repeat my usual speech, but you must communicate with actions rather than words.  If you fuck and suck someone and kissyface with him, that broadcasts approval.  If you are mad at a man, don't fuck him, that communicates disapproval.  If you are confused by a man's behavior, stop immediately and demand that he clarify the situation.  If he refuses to eliminate your confusion, you are being lied to.  Another player move.

 

Finally, only two types of men would wait a dozen dates to fuck you.  One is a gay man who isn't interested in females sexually.  The other is a player who uses the platonic time to heat the woman up to such a frenzy that when they do have sex, she is ready to burst, enhancing the male's perceived performance (when you are without sex for a long time and then teased for three months by someone you desire, when he does give you sex it will seem like the greatest sex of your life even if in normal times it is mediocre).  Obviously a player trick when the male is predatory or wants to take advantage of the female, because this makes the woman fall in love.  The only way a straight man can do this under normal circumstances is if he getting sex, and lots of it, from other women.

 

The South Beach thing makes me vote for the gay answer.

 

The above argument applies to players who are bisexual, except he may be getting sex from men while he waits for the woman to warm up.

 

Recommendation:  before you go on a trip with the man, sit him down and explain how important monogamy is, look him in the eye and ask if he has been faithful to you since he announced he was no longer just seeing you.  Test for truth.  If he seems to squirm, he may be lying.

 

Playboy Author Boy

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