A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A PLAYER

A Day in the Life of a Player

 

2 pm.  Originally supposed to meet Kid Voice Girl for an ice cream cone (original cheap date).  Pushed her to 3.

 

3 pm.  Scheduled time for Kid Voice Girl.  Still in shower.

 

3:20 pm.  In Princeton, 20 minutes late.  Lit a cigar.

 

3:25 pm.  Across street from Halo (ice cream) pub.  Scoped out Kid Voice Girl.  Not pretty, but I didn't expect her to be.

 

3:27 pm.  Put out cigar and said hello to Kid Voice Girl.  Loser. 

 

3:28 - 4:28 pm.  Gave Kid Voice Girl lectures about life.  She threw spaz attack that I wasn't interested in her.  I told her I would stop the torture, stood up and left.

 

4:28 - 5 pm.  Phone with Legally Blonde Attorney Girl and Business Dolphin Girl.

 

5 pm.  Triumph Brew Pub.  Kissed hello to Kendall Jackson Girl.  KJ (Meg) was 5'8" tall, slender, gorgeous face and hair.  Her lipstick was clinging to my mouth.  I told her to get pornstar lipstick, stays on your lips, not on his cock.  She laughed.  Very kissy-face date, attracted on a testicular level, but she was not self-revealing.  I told her she seemed like a Christmas present.  All pretty wrapping, seams matched, but what is underneath?

 

7 pm.  Kissed Kendall Jackson Girl good-bye.  She was on the way to her 8 pm date with Phone Boy.  I took a permanent marker, took her palm, made her shut her eyes and wrote inside a heart, DEAR K-J GIRL, YOU ARE FOR ME AND I AM FOR YOU.  MICHAEL.  She seemed to like it.  Not sure what Phone Boy thought.

 

7 - 8 pm.  Smoked second cigar.  More phone conversations with Business Dolphin Girl, negotiating a date for Sunday (eventually canceled).  She was in the shower.  I asked what finger was in her vagina.  She said it was her middle.  I told her to cradle the phone and take the index finger of her other hand and insert it into her anus.  She giggled, then breathed heavier.  Did you do it? I asked.  Yes, she said, then added, I love that.  Privately, I wondered if she were as wild as she claimed.

 

8 pm.  Entered bar of Alchemist & Barrister.  Noticed a woman in long leather coat, boots, tights -- all in black -- and a green scarf.  Short Haired Greek Girl, my date.  I'd joked with her that I don't give good-bye kisses, that I would throw my tongue down her throat when I first saw her.  I hadn't been serious, I just wanted to see her reaction. 

 

When she turned to see me, her eyes lit up and her lips parted, in that "kiss the fuck out of me, mister" way women have.  How embarrassing -- there I was, all cigar breath.  What the hell, test number two, I thought.  I grabbed her and put my tongue in her mouth, she laughed and tried to talk around it. 

 

That funny "dick in her mouth" language.  "You weren't kidding, were you?" she laughed.  Nope, I said, smiling.  She had that "oh God, you're gorgeous" look on her face.  She was better looking than her pictures.  Dinner was a B-, maybe C+ as far as the food goes.  Conversation was better.  She found her 17 year old son fucking his girlfriend and was distressed.  I poured spring water and put it in perspective.  "I'd rather have the kids fucking than doing drugs or drinking.  Drunk they'll wrap themselves around a tree and you're at the funeral home.  Horny, they'll be safe in the basement sucking on each other or fucking or recovering from fucking.  What's the worst that can happen?  An STD or unintended pregnancy?  Big deal." 

 

Oh, she says, what about AIDS?  Overblown threat, I replied.  Good for scaring them.  We all know someone who has lost a teenager to drunken driving.  Whom do you know who's lost a heterosexual one to AIDS?  My attitude comes from my surgeon buddy.  It's why I quit using latex after the vasectomy. 

 

That shocks women, some women, but the women I fuck are so careful and so shocked that I don't use condoms that -- face it -- how big a risk could they be?  If they need a condom-shrouded cock, just let them use a jelly dildo, they don't need me.  As for me, masturbation feels better by far than a latexy vagina.  We went on to talk about my fiction.  Told her about the movie deal.  She asked about the ALEXIS book proposal.  Some of it got so emotional I was leaking tears. 

 

Great, I thought.  Crying on a first date.  Happened four times.  Doubt she'll imagine me the bad boy I was trying to project.  Short Haired Greek Girl didn't have much dating experience, but was a scrapper in her career.  Not very wild sexually though.  My kind of horizontal weekend would be a new sensation, it would probably wear her out, and she seemed the kind of girl who is good in bed when the relationship is good and who cuts off the man the instant she's annoyed about something, and women are always annoyed.  When she kissed she seemed 17 again.  When she was sad, her age came crashing back onto her. 

 

I talked at length about my doubts about ever being exclusive with anyone again.  I believe in lust and friendship, I said, I want to fuck women who are friends whom I trust and lust for.  I think romantic love is the ghost-in-the-machine, it is supernatural and is greater than the sum of its lust and friendship parts.  But I also think the universe may no longer trust me with romantic love, as the last time I had it, with Alexis, I went to pieces.  The end of the relationship was my fault.  I fucked up with a woman who loved me and lusted for me more than any other girl in my life, a woman I loved more than my next breath.  If that can happen, why would God give it to me again?  I'd just damage another one of His daughters with it.  I can live without it, I said, I'm content to experience mere lust and friendship.  Never again will I combine finances with someone, or be a roommate to a woman, or stand at the end of the altar with her.  All those things kill romance.  Hell, even being introduced to her parents and brothers kills romance.  Being introduced to sisters is somehow different, but male relatives all ask with their eyes, "are you fucking her?  Will you make an honest woman of her?"  My answers are "yes and never."  They make me feel guilty.  The guilt causes pain.  The pain kicks me out of my feelings.  Then the love dies. 

 

She kissed me and said, you're just afraid of getting hurt.  I scoffed.  I ain't fraid o no ghosts, I said.  But inside I thought, fuck.  Some bad boy I am.  Note to self -- avoid dating women who make me cry on the first date.

 

Midnight -- back at Snake Ranch.  Penis still in Export Girl-induced coma from Thursday night.  No hardon since.  Very odd returning from a kiss-two-women date night with no erection.  I wonder if there's something wrong with me.  Goddamned Viagra is down to four pills which I refuse to take, and it's wicked expensive.  Makes me feel like I'm trying too hard.  The limpness is starting to be there even for masturbation.  The porn has had to be more and more intense to get my attention.  Is this the side effect of writing about Alexis?  I was 16 when she was in the room.  Women would think I'm still in love with her, when the truth is, I'm just stressed by my deadline and my career, just as I was a year ago when I met her.  Alexis needed attention, but I was all about the business and getting over Patti.  The universe has a different schedule than we do.

 

Sunday.  When I woke up, there was an IM from Blonde Top Secret Girl alleging I'd had another tryst with Export Girl.  TS girl goes on to ask what do I have to offer her.  Wait till she sees the pictures of Rex, I think.  I always assumed I was average size until Jewish Mom Girl kept telling me how huge my cock was.  I finally took a picture of it.  There on the computer it was, hard and raging and gigantic.  Wow.  I coulda been a porn star.  Now the photos are a great test.  There are only three reactions to it -- no reaction (failing), disgust or shock (failing), or the single word, "yummy" (passing).  I suppose the girl could get an A+ saying, "I need that up my asshole right now."  Makes me think about anal sex.  Somehow the play has been to make sure no one shows up at the candlelit table unless they love taking it up the ass, but how do you do that?  So far, I've sent essays about what I like in bed, but what if you have a non-curious, non-reader?  You could do that "put your finger up your ass right now" trick I did with Business Dolphin Girl.  With Girl 51, on date one I got to anal third base and she came right on my palm -- that was a good sign, and on date two she came so hard with my cock up her ass I thought she might even be girlfriend material.