Alligators and Poodles and Relationships and Affairs

Alligators and Poodles and Relationships and Affairs

 

Women say they like the sensitive, vulnerable guy.  I'm convinced that women respond best to the alligator in me.  I will listen all day and all night to you telling me you want me to be more poodle and less alligator, but I'm convinced that if it's alligator that attracted you, it will be alligator that will keep you.  All poodle will do is make you long for an alligator, and you will look elsewhere.  Better to have your own personal alligator.

 

My Match experience to date has gone like this:  I fell in love with Girl 6.  Girls, of course, are numbered if they make it to a date, passing all the due diligence on both sides of the equation, so correspondence with correspondents doesn't count, nor does the mutual realization that male and female are mere friends, unless said friendship results in a sexual tryst.  Where were we?  Girl 6 winked at me when I'd been on all of a week, and we had this intense, passionate, dynamite sexual and romantic relationship.  The same chemistry that brought us together blew us apart.  Story for another day.  Girls 7 through 50 have pretty much been me searching for that same passion again.  I've made wonderful friends and had great times, but I've avoidedthe pitfall of my second marriage, which was building a relationship the conventional way.  It almost happened again with Legally Blonde Attorney Girl, Girl 47.  I realized I was falling in love with her, and also realized we had no sexual chemistry (romantic chemistry is different) and that I truly didn't want to have sex with her, yet I thought about her all the time.  That was because we kept sex for last, to be the last thing we'd discover about each other.  What I discovered was that the way she is sexually is just not my thing (Mupplo, for missionary position lights out).  There is a difference between sexual availability and sexual creativity.  Most females think it enough to spread their thighs and lie back.  That's the former, not the latter.  Girl 6 took me to the moon.  She'd say, shut up, lie back, shut your eyes and enjoy this.  In the midst of ecstasy, were I to peek, I'd find myself inserted someplace I'd always fantasized about being in, but had never been able to get a woman to allow.  I'd whisper to myself, Oh God, I love her, and it would knock me over the edge into an orgasm so bone rattling that it would take hours to recover from.  I'd hold her and kiss her and tell her she was my world.  Armed with all this knowledge, and having misbehaved at the end of marriage 1, I know that the best way to build a relationship is to build it as an affair.

 

Think about it.  Most affairs have amazing chemistry.  An affair is a risky thing.  People therefore only enter into them if the other partner is so appealing that their very sex organs give them no choice.  It is that sexual chemistry that forms the foundation (sorry to lecture here, but I'm really lecturing the part of myself that has been stupid in the past).  You build on that.  If you have friendship after the fucking is good, and mutual respect, then soon comes that wistful feeling that you miss her so damned much and the only woman in the universe is her.  The very word "her" can make you tremble.  You count the minutes until her plane lands, and your world holds its breath until she is kissing you again.

 

That, that right there, is a relationship.  Take two single people, but make an affair out of it, and you've got something that can last forever.

 

So, I never date anyone who I wouldn't have an affair with.  And by affair, I'm not talking about an after-closing-time blowjob from a fat drunk chick.  I'm talking about the kind of affair that goes on for decades.

 

How's the search going?  Well, I'm looking for Girl 51.  I've spent about $30k on dinners and diamonds and hotel suites and travel, just to find another Girl 6.  Along the way, I've had a lot of women who have tried the alligator-to-poodle conversion attempt.  I've resisted, even to the point of saying good-bye to a woman who would have made a damned good affair partner.  But I need to keep my identity and individuality.  I'll always be the bad boy.  You'll always have to wonder if I'm being faithful, but if you treat me right and are my affair partner, my extracurricular attention will be to the Harley and the mountain cabin and interfering in the lives of the children, but I may even allow you to wonder, as it will keep the spark in the relationship.  After all, if you keep chasing your guy, having him will be deeply satisfying.