LIBIDO ABDUCTED WHEN BABY CAME ~ WHAT TO DO?
Dear Playboy Author Boy,
My husband wants to leave me because we don’t have sex often enough. My husband and I got married very quickly and have been married for a year and a half. We have a 5 month old son that I stay at home with. We fight every day because he "doesn't feel loved" because we don't have sex every day. We have it 1 or 2 times a week and, as disgusting as it sounds, I "help him out" 2 or 3 other days out of the week (not always, but usually). But on nights that I'm exhausted and just want to go to sleep he throws a huge fit and says that I never show him any love and that he thinks I'm not attracted to him anymore. He was raised in a household that revolved around sex (his parents are swingers and have "friends" over all the time). But I'm really tired of fighting. The fights get really bad, they have ended up to the point where he has tried to strangle me and then put a loaded gun to his head. If I try to leave, he says he'll kill himself. I don't know what to do. And I have told a cop (his father) about it. Should I just give up and let him go?
Jack’s Mom in Jackson
Dear Jack’s Mom,
Look at your signature name. You have defined yourself as a mother. Your husband is conceptually right (but morally wrong). He's right in that you HAVE lost that lovin' feelin' but wrong because he is showing his disappointment with violence and childish and dangerous behavior. The violence he is showing both to you and to himself must be dealt with first. Move out and take your son with you. Establish some distance. When all parties are calm, you need to talk this out.
But here is the thing. A large fraction of women lose sexual feeling after the child and it never returns to where it was before the baby. It is part of the reproductive cycle. It is also a difficult reality to grasp. Other people will tell you that when your child grows up and things get more manageable around the house that this will change. If after five months you are still a once a week girl, you won't bounce back to where you were before procreating the kid. (Further proof – “helping him” get off sounds “disgusting” to you.)
Meanwhile you husband now has the devil's choice of abstaining, using porn to distraction or cheating on you. Marital sex drive mismatches are a fatal flaw to the marriage.
I'm sorry to deliver this news, but your marriage and your relationship is over.
You’ll be one of those divorced women who will create her life around the kid and then, 18 years later, wake up and realize she’s alone. At that point you’ll try to start dating and very likely you will be disappointed because you’ve been without adult male companionship since the divorce.
A final word – you should take a hard look at yourself and truly ask yourself if you like men sexually. I do not mean to throw the “L word” at you casually, but this turning away from sex and treating it like a chore – as if there is nothing in it for you, is a prime sign of being homosexual. If you’ve ever gotten a buzz from making out with a girl or have fantasies about that, perhaps you should experiment and find your true self.
If I’m wrong about that, I apologize, but I’ve seen this complaint blossom into full blown Rosie O’Donnell before.
Good luck and say hi to Jack.
PBAB
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