A man married with kids starts seeing another lass younger than him who is single without kids. You see my best friend is in this situation, and I'm trying to understand the perspective of those in this type of situation, it doesn't make sense to me.
He is married with kids and having an affair, my best friend is genuine and the type who hates hurting people. She's funny pretty interesting, quite capable of finding a decent honest man with no ties. But she accidentally fell into this, she said it just happened like it was fate or something, she continuously has guilt trips but now she's got strong feelings for this guy, she has said he feels almost the same, but she is hurting as she knows she can never have what she wants from this, and makes do with seeing him occasionally, she doesn't want anyone to get hurt but can't bare the thought of breaking it off with him. She knows she is being selfish with her actions but she is also hurting as she really connects with him.
Please answer sensibly i need advice for her from others that have been in this type of situation with experience.
Friend of Adulterous Girl
Dear Friend of Adulterous Girl,
Let's focus on your friend. Men who are unavailable emotionally become players. Women who are avoiding intimacy with the opposite sex play with unavailable men, like married men (particularly those with children).
Your friend did this on purpose. "Happened accidentally" is a way of her avoiding accountability. Now she can complain and get sympathy and have what she wants all at the same time.
This is no mystery. The husband feels trapped and is rebelling against his captivity. The girlfriend is dating a man who won't turn and give her a ring -- she is rebelling against the idea of being trapped in a marriage.
What about the wife? Odds are she knows what is going on. I'd also bet that taking care of children has her ignoring her husband and neglecting the relationship. The sex is probably awful and infrequent. Hubby getting sex on the side relieves her of having to take care of him, plus his infidelity is an insurance policy because now she can blackmail him should divorce ever be mentioned (courts tend to sock it to men who screw around on a wife with young children). Yet she will never leave him on her own. With kids, she is dependent, and knowing of the affair gives her a new brand of control.
Therefore, this love triangle isthe perfect storm. Every member of this whacky team is getting what they need (although they won't ever admit that).
Therefore, there is no problem to solve here. Butt out!
PBAB
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