DYING FOR SEX, BUT DON’T WANT TO LEAVE THE KIDS
Dear PBAB,
I'm married and I have been talking to someone for the past 2 months. No we have not had sex , so don't ask . However, if I weren’t married, chances are , I would be all over this man. I have stayed with my husband for the past 5 years because of our children. I know that is not a good reason to stay with someone, however, the guilt I feel over the thought of separating my kids from their father is so bad that I'm sick a lot of the time. I can not even stand the thought of my husband touching me in a casual way let alone a sexual way. I have no idea as to what I should do. Yes, I have talked to my husband about our problems and he just walks way and doesn't want to talk about them.
Screaming for Sex in Sacramento
Dear Screamer Girl,
You're missing a key ingredient. Just because your marriage is over does not mean your parenting arrangements will be any different. My ex and I talk all the time about our daughter and make joint decisions, and many are the times we've split pots of coffee or bottles of wine telling stories about my daughter that the other parent didn't directly witness. We've even asked the other for dating advice! So you see, it's not that divorce separates a man from his kids, only a bitter divorce does that!
If you can split the dishes like adults, things will be fine.
That said, one of the things that makes splitting dishes turn into hurling dishes is affairs.
You need to turn off the idea of being with another guy. That is not your life's love, it is just your glands' way of telling you that your marriage doesn't work sexually anymore.
Trust me, once you are separated and are legally able to date someone without screwing up your coparenting divorce situation, you'll see that all these potential affair partners you were lusting after fall way short. Glands do not do a good job of picking a boyfriend!
I used to have a three-organ committee to pick the next girl (heart, brain, penis) and every three months the chairman would be switched to see if it helped pick out a better girl. It took a long time and a lot of dating different people but eventually I found someone who is perfect for all three!
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