THE CASE OF THE BITTER BITCHY EX-WIFE
Dear PBAB,
I’m so bitter! I really need to get over the bitterness I feel toward my ex-husband. The marriage was truly awful, and the things he did, beyond abysmal. I left him 5 years ago and I don’t love him, or want to be with him at all. Yet he STILL makes me so angry! I want to move on; I’m annoyed about how angry I get. Yikes!! Oh, don’t tell me to get him completely out of my life because we have two kids together, so we have to remain in contact.
Bitter in Baltimore
Dear Bitter Boots,
I keep wanting to ask my first ex why SHE's so bitter. I'd say the answer is that to a woman a relationship is of the same status as a career is to a man -- it defines one's identity. You are having the same feelings of rage that a man would feel if he worked and planned all his life for a career like being a doctor or lawyer and got tossed out on his butt. That kind of indignity is never really gotten over.
For the fired professional, healing comes from rebuilding and finding a new career and purpose in life to replace that which was destroyed. I'm guessing, but doesn't it seem like the way for a woman to move on would be in rebuilding also? Wouldn't connection to a new man have some soothing qualities, particularly if that man appreciated the female?
I know so many divorced guys with children who would love to meet a woman who can appreciate a man.
I guess what I'm saying is that there is life after divorce, but only if you swim up to it.
Good luck, dear.
PBAB
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