HUSBAND HUMPED THE POOCH ON THIS ONE

HUSBAND (LITERALLY) HUMPED THE POOCH!

Dear Playboy Author Boy,

Oh my God, I can’t believe this!  What can I do? I found my husband doing something horrible!  I came home from the store and brought some groceries in and when I opened the door I found my husband sticking his penis in our dog! For God’s sake, what should I do?

Betrayed By the Dog Lover in Bedford

Dear Betrayed,

Well, that's a pretty sight. I'd say you need some time to get over that. And I doubt you'd want to be sexual with him unless and until he gets a medical checkup and the two of you put a marriage counselor's kids through college.

But I must ask you, is this the tip of an iceberg? How are things in your marriage otherwise? The behavior you describe correlates to him being severely unhappy with the marriage sexually, sort of the maximum extreme version of internet porn. And odds are if he's screwing the pooch, he's also picking up hookers or doing people on the side.

I'm also thinking that somehow his subconscious "arranged" for you to find this out. If he knew you were coming home, wouldn't he wait for some time when you'd be out longer? Or do it in the basement behind a locked door so he'd keep his secret? If it was so easy for you to walk in on him, that could be a sign that his subconscious mind wanted that to happen.

But if that is true, why? Why would he want you to see this? To shock you so that you would leave him? To end the marriage?

Only you know those answers.