SEX ON THE FIRST DATE

This just in from a gorgeous 33-year old blonde I dated once.  Months later I saw her on Match again and I sent her a note wishing her well.  This is her story:

 

 

 

Dear Playboy Author Boy,

 

Please help me. i'm having major self esteem issues at the moment. i was supposed to have three dates this weekend -- friday night, saturday lunch, saturday night. i hit it off SO well with my friday night date -- i meant great. we had dinner, played pool, made out. he gave me the `i'm lonely, you're lonely' line and i was like, he's right. what the hell.he convinced me to stay over. i didn't have sex with him.

 

next day he convinced me to cancel my lunch date, we spent the day at the park, the gym, a festival. then he convinced me to cancel my saturday night date. we went out for drinks with my girlfriend and her husband, had a blast. went back to his house and i couldn't help myself. i had great sex with him. haven't had sex in months, it was just awesome.

 

next morning, i don't know, i guess i was just doubting my decision, i got out of there early. he called later to tell me it was the best weekend he'd had in so long, he couldn't wait to see me again. told me how beautiful sexy, fun, smart i was. so what's my problem today. why am i doubting myself still, actually wondering if he's gonna call, if he still wants me. come on, Dr. Sex. talk to me.

 

Love,

Sexy Blonde Writer Girl

 

 

Dear Sexy Writer Girl,

 

Hey gorgeous, I like the "Dr. Sex" even better, but all my relationship advice is under Playboy Author Boy...

 

Every once in a while, when recovering from a marriage, you have to find someone safe and let it out.  Like when you get a new car, it's nice to find a deserted strip of two lane blacktop and punch it as hard as it'll go.  When you came back down again, it feels so good, you're heart's pounding and you're alive again.  So it is with a good connection.

 

An instant chemistry like you described is rare and amazing.  Sometimes there's more to it, and a great relationship can result.  Other times, it is so attractive because it is "safe" in the sense that a part of you knows you'll never see the guy again because you know something is missing for the long haul.

 

Since you pulled away first, I'd imagine that you realized that rule of Match that says full-body sex on the first date means either you're in love forever or you'll never see the guy again.

 

My advice is to keep dating yet keep in touch with this guy and see how you feel.  If you're not sure, see him again.  If nothing else, spend a few months airing out your soul with head-banging sex.  If you feel you can have more with him, allow yourself to feel and let yourself fall in love with him.

 

Don't fear the rebound relationship.  The conventional wisdom is both right and wrong.  They always happen and they always hurt -- that's the true part.  The falsehood is that they can be avoided.  Until you have a good, hard rebound, you cannot move on.  I know people who are in suspended animation for seven going on eight years because they won't let themselves into a rebound situation for fear of getting hurt.  All they're doing is condemning themselves to limbo.  It's like pulling off a band-aid.  Get it over with.

  

Your admirer, though not-so-secretly,

 

PBAB