Dear Playboy Author Boy,
I’m a middle-aged, divorced, very horny female with a problem. I can’t seem to get a willing man in my life.
I was in a long term relationship with a man who ended the relationship suddenly, moved out and disappeared.
Since then I’ve been desperate for male company. My female neighbor was in the same situation as I’m in, and now she has a tall, dark, handsome, intensely sexual boyfriend and is happily exhausted from being with him. I want that!
The worst thing is, I’ve been seeing a male friend I’ve known for ages who has been getting very flirtatious with me. The last time he was here, the lights were low, we were drinking wine, he started kissing me, and then he left. I ask you: why didn’t he take me upstairs and FUCK MY BRAINS OUT????
Please help me Playboy Author Boy. I’m afraid I have a black cloud over me and that I will never get laid again, much less experience a good relationship!
Signed,
Name Deleted by Request Girl
Dear Deleted,
In past situations I’ve asked women to experiment with being more sexually aggressive. Many females have the impression that if they take the lead in a sexual situation, it will somehow deflate the man’s hardon and he will run for the door.
In fact, that does truly happen but only in about 20% of the male population, and those 20% are pussies who are no damned good in bed anyway. So why would a female care whether she sent a man scurrying for the hills? It would appear to be a damned good test to see if a guy could be a good lover.
The problem with this theory is when itis applied to a dear, lifelong friend as you’ve described. The man is most likely getting cold feet because he doesn’t want to ruin a good friendship. Friends who love you are damned rare and can’t be easily replaced.
Fuckbuddies, however, CAN be easily replaced.
Here’s the thing – men respond to sexual women. They just do. In a romantic situation, there is little that a woman can do wrong if she is sexually aggressive. Women worry that female aggressiveness will make penises soft. But even if that happens, no penis can withstand a woman who loves it with her mouth and hands, not for long. (The exception to this rule is if there is any resentment between the couple, which can make a penis soft no matter what, or a serious incompatibility.) The bright side is that sexual incompatibility should be discovered early rather than after months of nurturing a quasi-relationship that will be stillborn.
Therefore, I heartily recommend the “mating call of the giant clam” technique, from the old joke where you ask, what’s the mating call of the giant clam? Answer: (cross your arms over your face to make a clam, then open them and shout) “wanna fuck???”
If you are in the arms of a guy and you want to have sex with him, go ahead and whisper in his ear, “fuck me now, so hard I forget my name.” Or simply, “I need you to fuck me now.” Or rip his clothes off and start sucking his cock, take your clothes off and jump on his cock.
If the result of that is an intimidated male who withdraws, pouts, cries or leaves, you’ve successfully identified a pussy, a man who lacks the masculinity to please you in bed in the future. What sexual woman would want to waste another ounce of effort on the likes of him?
If your friend wanted to keep the friendship platonic, he would not have kissed you. Therefore, he is fair game for sexual aggressiveness. If you find yourself in his arms again and he’s not fucking you, take the wheel and drive him to Fuck Town yourself. He’ll stay for the ride, and who knows, you may be in for the ride of your life.
Meanwhile, never put all your eggs in one basket. Get yourself onto Match.com, MySpace, Yahoo personals (avoid Eharmony, it is a rip off) and possibly J-Date, and get out there to polish your skills with the opposite sex. Dating is like driving. It just takes hours behind the wheel to get good at. Dating is such a numbers game that to find the lid for your pot, you have to go through a lot of cabinets. And enjoy yourself while you do!
Let me know how it goes!
Be bad,
Playboy Author Boy
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