How women succeed on Match:
1. Figure out what you want. Relationship, marriage, fucking around, or something in between? For once, try not to lie to yourself.
2. Rewrite the profile words. Right now it's written so that your mom and dad can read it with no embarrassment. Make it so that it looks like a "best profile on Match" column in Penthouse magazine. Slut it up a bit, if you are sexual. If you aren't, perhaps you'd best go back to step 1. Don't be afraid to use words like passionate, adventurous, other forms of exercise, guys can't keep up with me, I need physical affection, I love every inch of a man, etc.
3. Get a photo shoot done by a pro. Crack the wallet open and spend eighty bucks getting some black & whites that are (a) alluring and (b) show your soul shining out of your body. Not the ones Aunt Maude took of you at Disney with a kid on one knee, Mickey on the other, your hair all dirty, ice cream stains on your shorts. Dress for success on the photo. Low cut blouse, show some of your best features. Dress in the photo as you would for a guy you would seduce. Don't want to do this? Return to step 1.
4 Figure out what kind of guy turns you on. Do you know what you want and need in the appearance of your guy? You don't like bald, short or fat guys. Let's say we model you a guy who is tall, slim and has politician hair. Dark hair, blonde, or does it matter? Brown eyes, blue eyes, green or does it matter? Concentrate on the physical first, and then separate the world of guys into two groups -- those who fit inside the circle and those who don't. Those who fit the model, does he turn you on? I mean, really excite you? If not, is the model flawed? Or are you a complete lesbo? I'm just kidding there, actually, couldn't resist a cheap shot, but that's how you test a physical "specification." Alternately, take a boyfriend who you had passion with, real, electrical, nuclear detonation chemistry. What was he like? What physical traits did you like? Hate? Now, say we have a model that works. How far outside the model still works? Thin the hair abit. Give the face character but some Marlboro man wrinkles. Add a few pounds. What happens to your level of passion? The idea is to get the boundary of where you switch off. Let's say we find that, and now go to the next step.
5. Now, here's the hard part after the physical model -- the rejection of any and all comers who fall outside the circle near the model. You get hit on by a guy who is perfect for you, but he doesn't resemble your model close enough, you respond with absolute silence. Delete his emails. Don't be polite. Guys read meaning into a reply. It means I like you and eventually we'll be in bed. So, listen to me, no responding to anyone outside the model parameters, because the model is the guy you want to be in bed with. I know I'm concentrating on sex but it is for a reason -- look, God invented it, why do some of the fair sex act like being free spirited sexually is wrong? I'll tell you why -- we came from a bunch of weirdo puritans who thought that way and they infected the mainland. Go to France for a while. It's a breath of fresh air. People there see sex as healthy, and they are more healthy. Back in America, you get 50 winks. One “return wink” is from a guy who fits the model. HE'S THE ONLY GUY YOU TALK TO. EVERYONEELSE, FLUSH!
6. And that guy, you write him a revealing email. A few sentences. Be unique, something just for him. "Noticed you like squirrels...I have a bird feeder in my back yard, you could hang sometime and watch them raid it." Crappy example, but you get the point. Be flirtatious. If you're coming across cold as ice, you turn off guys in our age group -- they have had it with women like that. You can even write 2 emails (this one kills me) and say, "Oh yeah, I forgot, you said you like soccer, there's a great team near me with a killer bar close by." It leads him right into you.
7. Now, if no hits from the model guys? Do you drop your model and waste time with Fat Bald Guy? NO, NO, NO!!! Never, no matter how soulful he is! Do you keep waiting? No, you go shopping! Get your shopping cart, girl, and off we go to the Man Store. Got your model in your head? Now search for the skinny blonde athletically built guys. How far away can you tolerate? Bear in mind he'll do the driving! Find some guys? Wink at them. Don't waste time with an email. This is what the wink is for. Why? Because the way to the guy soul is through a picture. Which is why the woman needs to go to a photo shoot and get the coolest, most alluring while classy picture she can get. Opinions are all over on the subject of this, but some women know how to do the picture and some just...don't. More on that later. But guys don't read. They look at passport pictures. Profiles are words, and for girls, they are all lies, because girls don't want to look sexual in a profile because it attracts the weirdos.
8. Listen, honey, let it hang out in your profile. Remember, so what if weirdos come? WE'RE DELETING ALL THEM!!!! THEY CAN'T KNOCK ON YOUR DOOR! So be more revealing rather than less. Say that you like a bubblebath with a guy with your toes on a strategic spot. Or that you are a great kisser, north of his equator too! Those are clumsy, but a woman can reveal that she's sexual.. Look at pinkroses004 or scottishraven. They let it out without being whores. Now, the good looking guy sees something REAL in a profile? Holy shit, this girl's a live wire!
9. Now, if you still don't get hits from model guys, do a new photo shoot and put the shots in front of six very honest guys who are not afraid to hurt your feelings. They'll say, would it kill you to grow your hair? Wear more makeup? Jeez, you look like a schoolmarm here...get the alluring picture, you get the male attention. We all want sex -- but what you want is the guy who wants sex from the girl he's dying to marry.
10. Now you've got hits, you've got a model guy on the way for a date. Let's see, do you hold him off from sex for two dates, three? Three years? Well, I told you how to "do" Match. Email me when you've got the candidate and I'll tell you more.
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