The Twenty Rules of Internet Dating by Playboy Author Boy
1. The most desirable people will live two hours away.
2. Pessimism will CAUSE bad results.
3. After you date 120 people, you will look back and see that the sixth one was the best. Just like in real estate, take the first reasonable offer!
4. Ignore rule 3.
5. One person out of a hundred with bad pictures will be stunning in person.
6. Two people out of a hundred with bad voices will be stunning in person.
7. Stunning people are boring.
8. Invariably people who don’t have pictures and claim computer illiteracy will be butt-ugly.
9. A woman’s vanity is inversely proportional to the number of photographs of herself she posts on Match.
10. A man’s vanity is directly proportional to the number of photographs of himself he posts on Match.
11. The more the photographs make the girl look like a model, the older those pictures are.
12. Never ask a 39 year old woman how it comes to be that she's never married or had kids if she's holding a steak knife.
13. The international signal that Jane is giving Tarzan sex (finally) is thigh-high stockings under a short skirt.
14. Full-body sex on the first date has only two results: falling deeply in love or being done forever.
15. Oral sex on the first date is inconclusive.
16. Canceling a first date means you are dead to the girl.
17. If you show up an hour late for the first date and she’s still waiting for you, the relationship will be a “punishment tour.”
18. The only acceptable form of rejection is silence.
19. Women who ask you for pictures of your privates are asking other men for the same thing.
20. Sending a woman unsolicited pictures of your privates will separate the real girls from the imposters. The pretenders go crazy and heap abuse on the sender. The sluts comment with the word “yummy” or its equivalent. And marriage material girls say nothing but blush and smile shyly when you ask if they got the pictures.
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