SEX AUDITION PART 2

14.                    CONTAINMENT

 

                        Can she be faithful and remain faithful?  Can she survive with just the male attention from her guy or does she need to be admired by all of mankind?  Does she cheat?  Can she be the desired “faithful nymphomaniac”?  Note, if she has experimented with group sex (perhaps a good mark on item 18 or 19), and she’s finished with it, all the better – after all, a woman with a past is a great thing, because she’s already done the things she wanted to do before she died, but to be in love with a woman who wants to do sexual things to another human being other than her guy is miserable for the guy.  Women still into group sex or who still want to experiment with it are therefore disqualified.

 

15.                    SUSTAINABILITY

 

                        Can she keep it up?  Is as good in bed after two years as she was after two months?

 

16.                    RELATIONSHIP OVERSENSITIVITY

 

                        Is she too driven by relationship issues or relationship status?  Is she the “cocksucking-fiancee-turned-celibate-wife”?  If so, she is disqualified.  In her past, has she had relationships persist too long, because the sex was just so damned good?  If so, she prequalifies for the position.  When can she start?

 

17.                    PASSION

 

                        In the “heat of battle,” is she really, really into it?  Or does she lie there like a cold fish?  Does she moan, and if so, is it a sexy moan or the grunt of a rhino?  Does she scream?  If so, is it a sexy scream or a “I’ve been taken hostage” shriek?

 

18                     EXPERIENCE

 

                        Is she a woman with a past?  (This is a good thing.)  Did she experiment?  If so, did the experiments leave “scars,” such as a continuing proclivity to want group sex?  See item 14 above.

 

19.                    KINKINESS

 

                        Does she delight in the unconventional?  Handcuffs?  Porn?  Anal?  Water sports?  Enemas?  Dildos for her…and him?  Going out on the town without underwear?  Blowing her guy in the front seat of the truck?  Daddy/Mommy/Sister/Brother fantasies?  If so, she’s a winner.  Caution – see item 14 above, because if one of the unconventional items desired is continuing engagement in group sex, any past, present or future bestiality desires or anything having to do with children, she’s gone too far and is disqualified.

 

20.                    SPIRITUALITY

 

                        Does sex feel like a religious experience to her?  Does it bring her closer to God or make her ashamed?  If it is the former, she’s a winner – let’s get closer to God together.  If it is the latter, she is disqualified.  If she is not spiritual at all, either she will be a year into the relationship or the relationship will probably dry up and die.

 

21                     KITCHEN VOCABULARY

 

                        Does sex only exist for her in the bedroom?  Can she give “the look” (which says, “I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you right now”) in the kitchen when her parents are in the house?  Does she say “fuck”?  Can she say “cunt”?  Can she say, “I want to suck your cock” ten minutes before church?  (Note, see item 20)

 

22.                    MEN

 

                        Does she love men in general?  Or find them annoying?  Does she resent them?  If so, the relationship will probably break down.  Some women can’t even get over these feelings after giving birth to a baby boy.

 

23.                    RECOVERY AND FORGIVENESS

 

                        If she were abused, can she come to terms with it and become relatively healthy?  If she were abandoned by her husband or father, can she still function?  See also item 22.  In the event of a sexual mishap (male erectile dysfunction or sustained male ejaculatory impotence) does it bother her or does she shrug and go on?

 

 

General comments:

 

From the above list, there are a few “fatal flaws,” including:

 

·         low sexual temperament (lack of lust, shyness, relationship oversensitivity, etc.)

·         inability to remain faithful

·         a continuing desire to partake in group sex or highly illicit or illegal sexual behavior (animals, children, etc.)

·         resentment of men

·         lack of generosity, a certain sexual stinginess or selfishness

 

Otherwise, a single category doesn’t kill a woman’s chances, and odds are, that issue can be improved with a loving partner.

 

In many cases, a woman simply does not desire to be anything sexually other than what she already is, a “take-it-or-leave-it” attitude.  This falls into the lack of generosity category, and is as selfish as a man who never makes his woman climax and doesn’t care.