First step, figure out exactly, and I mean exactly, what you want. Bald, corporate hair, thinning hair, long hair, ponytail, doesn't matter. Fat face, thin face, monkey face, doesn’t matter. Blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, gray eyes, doesn't matter. Tall, medium, short, no matter. Obese, fat, overweight, chunky, stocky, solid, muscular, athletic, slender, bony, no matter. Astrological, career, and every single dimension that Match lists. Print out a search criteria page and mark it up. Think about the last guy who made your heart and your loins sing!
Reason -- chemistry. Each one of those is something that could kick you out of your feelings! So don't take the choices lightly! And if you are hit on by someone who doesn't meet the chemical requirements, do not -- repeat -- do not go out with them. I mean it, missy.
Second step, the analysis of what you need in personality. The five dimensions are:
* Sexuality (I put this first, others put it fifth, there ya go). This applies to how we fuck each other and how often. It goes to sexual expressivity and passion and thermostat. This is one thing that can kill an otherwise good relationship.
* Personality. Self-explanatory.
* Life control. Is he divorced or fighting for his life in a thermonuclear conflict with the ex? Is he happy in his child visitation, or treating kids like bargaining chips? Are his finances under control or is he borrowing money from you? What's his house like? His car? All these reflect how he sees himself and thus give you a peek into his deeper levels.
* Family. How is his relationship with his family of origin? Happy, or did they drive him to the hospital for the criminally insane? How about with his kids? Is there abundant love or wars? Are his parents too close and too controlling, and does he regress to being five years old when he talks to Mommy Dearest?
* Career. Is he the wildly successful surgeon with the turbo Porsche and the five million dollar home, or is he living in a studio apartment heating his food with a hotplate? Is he a bestselling author or an entrepreneur or a 9-to-5er? Does he operate a dump truck or a global conglomerate? Is the sexy cop with the gun and handcuffs who fucks like a jackhammer but has little money to blow on you, or a sensitive poet who cries when he reads Thoreau but has a fifteen million dollar trust fund to play with? These things speak to how our boy Tarzan brings the kill to the cave. You can be as 21st century as you please, but a failure in this category will kick you out of your feelings.
You may be ahead of me already. The 5 categories above, I lied. They aren't categories of selection, they are categories of FATAL FLAWS. I didn't say that at first because it sounds so mean, but you already know when you have a strong preference on any one of these, and it can kill a relationship if the boy doesn't have the right stuff.
Third step, field hits from the boys and hit on the ones you find that you like. Watch for fatal flaws and don't waste time with a boy who has one. Also don't waste time with a boy who doesn't meet the Chemical Selection Criteria. Narrow your focus to the boys who have The Right Stuff and no fatal flaws.
Decide now if you are a player or a serious relationship candidate. The difference is only in one thing -- would you "forsake all others" for this individual? If not, just date him and have fun.
Final word, I advise you to avoid at all cost men who don't meet your Chemical Selection Criteria and who have fatal flaws. That is the road to heartache. Just don't do it. Better to masturbate than to fuck one of them. Trust me, this comes from bitter experience from dating the rotten fruit and from being someone else's rotten fruit.
Now get out there and flirt. Best of luck.
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