Dear Author Guy,
I want to have sex with my boyfriend before marriage, but I'm getting confused. I mean, what is the point of marriage if you have sex before the wedding?
Please weigh in!
What's the point of marriage at all?
Here's what I tell my kids:
Live together, get a house together, get a dog together, have kids together if you feel you must, but never get married. The person you love at 18 is a shithead when you are 28. The person you love at 30 sucks when you're 40. Human growth is simply too damned rapid to accommodate a life long commitment to another person with information you had and the intelligence you had at a younger age.
You ever notice that the friends you made in elementary school kind of suck when you're 30? Yet the friendships forged in your 30s are great by comparison? The difference is the judgment you have at the time you made the choice to have that person as a friend. The same applies to candidates for spouse.
I'm 50. My first wife was chosen at 26. I loved her for many years but eventually grew out of her and trying to stay in that marriage was like a six foot teenager trying to wear the pants that fit in second grade. My second wife I chose at 36. Ten years later she was someone I wouldn't even have had a second drink with, much less a second date with. Same woman, just a lot of growing up on her part (remember, having kids makes one dramatically different, it is a huge agent of personality change). My present girlfriend was chosen after a 100 woman search (see my hundred girls blog at http://journals.aol.com/silentfastdeep/hundredgirls) and she is perfect for me.
But, what happens when we're 70?
Here's what I tell my kids:
Live together, get a house together, get a dog together, have kids together if you feel you must, but never get married. The person you love at 18 is a shithead when you are 28. The person you love at 30 sucks when you're 40. Human growth is simply too damned rapid to accommodate a life long commitment to another person with information you had and the intelligence you had at a younger age.
You ever notice that the friends you made in elementary school kind of suck when you're 30? Yet the friendships forged in your 30s are great by comparison? The difference is the judgment you have at the time you made the choice to have that person as a friend. The same applies to candidates for spouse.
I'm 50. My first wife was chosen at 26. I loved her for many years but eventually grew out of her and trying to stay in that marriage was like a six foot teenager trying to wear the pants that fit in second grade. My second wife I chose at 36. Ten years later she was someone I wouldn't even have had a second drink with, much less a second date with. Same woman, just a lot of growing up on her part (remember, having kids makes one dramatically different, it is a huge agent of personality change). My present girlfriend was chosen after a 100 woman search (see my hundred girls blog at http://journals.aol.com/silentfastdeep/hundredgirls) and she is perfect for me.
But, what happens when we're 70?
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