SPARK GONE ~ WHAT TO DO?

OK ....  I WAS MARRIED FOR 12 YEARS TO A MUCH OLDER MAN....I DIVORCED AND I HAD 2 FAILED ( SHORT TERM RELATIONSHIPS ) LATER I MET MY BOYFRIEND.....WE AE TOGETHER NOW FOR 9 MONTS ....BUT SOMETIME I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE IS NO PASSION AND I JUST HAVE A FEELING THAT HE IS NOT THAT IN LOVE WITH ME..EVEN HE TELLS ME HE IS AND HE IS VERY NICE AND LOVING TO ME//////// I JUST HAVE A WEIRD FEELING ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP......WHEN I MET HIM HE WAS JUST GETTING OVER A 6 YEAR OLD RELATIONSHIP...THEY WERE NOT LIVING TOGETHER ANYMORE FOR ONE YEAR BUT WERE STILL HAVIN SEX..

 

ALSO SEX IS VERY GOOD BUT I HAVE TO INITIATE ALMOST ALL THE IME AND IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AS OFTEN AS I WANT TOO....HE SAIS THIS IS NORMAL AND THAT LIFE IT'S NOT ALL PASSION AND LOVE.....BUT I WAS IN A UNLOVING AND UNHAPPY MARRIAGE FOR A LONG TIME AND I WAS HOPPING TO FIND PASSION AND SEX AND LAUGHTER...YOU KNOW ALL THE GOOD STUFF....

 

MY QUESTION IS ....DO YOU THINK THIS IS NORMAL FOR A COUPLE THAT ONLY BEEN WITH EACH OTHER FOR SUCH A SHORT TIME ....TO BE SO MONOTONE...SO GRAY....NO COLOR AND SPICE......SOMETIME WE ARE JUST WACHING TV...ALONE  WHEN MY KIDS ARE IN SCHOOL AND HE SEATS IN THE CHAIR AND I SEAT ON THE COUCH....I WOULD WANT HIM TO COME AND TUCH ME AND KISS ME AND JUST GO ALL OVER ME.....JUST THE WAY I FEEL....BUT NOTHING.....

 

I'M HAPPY I HAVE HIM SINCE HE IS VERY RESPECTFUL AND NICE TO ME...BUT I'M ALSO SAD BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I WANT MORE ATTENTION AND PASSION FROM HIM....

 

DO YOU THINK THIS IS NORMAL...OR I'M JUST EXAGERATING BY WANTING MORE ?

 

THANK YOU...SORRY FOR THE SPELLING BUT I'M FROM HUNGARY....BY THE WAY I'M 33 AND HE IS 4O....

 

I WOULD APRECIATE YOUR INPUT.

 

 

You are correct to see that the lack of spark is a problem and a very big problem at that.

 

Our brains and minds are wired so that our sexuality gives us information about the status of a relationship.  In your case, the lack of passion is like the "CHECK ENGINE" light on your car.  But in your case, it is combined with thumping and grinding noises from the engine compartment!

 

It doesn't matter how long your relationship is, how many kids, how many relationships have come before, or how perfect the relationship used to be -- a long period of missing passion is your mind's way of prodding you to move on and find someone else.

 

In our culture we make way too much fuss over ending relationships.  We put way too much emphasis on our relationship's length.  Sometimes a greater number of shorter relationships that while they last, work for us, is what I stand for.

 

I am in love with my girlfriend and I hope that it lasts a long time and I am enjoying our spark.  We are extremely lustful for each other and that is what shows us both that we work.  We have had that spark for over two years and it gets stronger with time, not weaker.

 

If that spark goes away, I will transition the relationship to friendship and seek someone new (unless I'm just too damned old and ugly to get a new woman!).

 

But I will never again be miserable (long term) in a relationship.  It ruins your life.