THE CASE OF THE LYING FLIRT
Dear Playboy Author Boy,
Is it OK to lie to your wife?
I was flirting with this girl. Nothing happened, just flirting. I knew my wife would be upset if he found out so I lied to her about what we were talking about knowing that she didn't know the girl and the girl was out of town and out of our lives by the time she asked.
I told the lie to prevent strain on the relationship because I really love her. I know I shouldn't have been flirting but after the fact I thought the cover up and forget it was the right thing to do.
Was I wrong? Should I have told her everything?
Signed,
Lying Flirt
Dear Flirting Liar,
Everybody lies.
When caught in a lie, the liar's credibility suffers. Being caught in a lie is embarrassing.
Therefore, when lying, weigh the benefit of the outcome against the disaster of being caught multiplied by the probability of being caught multiplied by the probability of your talking your way out of trouble. If the benefits outweigh the liabilities, then the only thing preventing you from lying is your innate sense of integrity and your love for the person who would be hurt by the lie.
Now comes the fun part. You wouldn't have flirted if you were sexually satisfied in your marriage. But then, only newlyweds are sexually satisfied in their marriages. Therefore, everyone who a veteran of marriage flirts.
So everyone lies and everyone flirts. It is very rare to get caught lying about flirting. Also rare to get caught in the act of flirting. Flirtatious behavior is close to humorous playfulness and can usually be explained away. Also, the flirter can say that he WANTED to get his wife jealous, so that she would pay more attention to him. Therefore, since it is rare to get caught and can be wiggled out of, everyone flirts and gets away with it.
Odds are your wife flirts with other men and doesn't tell you about it, or lies about it if she does flirt. It's just part of the scenery.
So, I have to ask you this. Why do you care? Do you feel something for this woman more than you thought you would?
Bad sign, bro. This is a structural crack in the hull of your marriage. Bad enough that you're taking on water. You might not weather the next storm. Think about it.
PBAB
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