Monday, May 5, 2008

WHY WIVES GO FLAT

  Dude, Why do wives put their husbands' needs last? (married 9 years)?  On my honeymoon my wife said "We're not going to have sex every day" (which we were doing every day for the 4 years we were dating before getting married). The frequency of sex has declined steadily each year. We even skipped sex all together for over a year due to a complicated pregnancy (so she said).

She stopped giving oral sex about 3 years ago, and now we have sex once (maybe twice) a month. She tells me she loves me every day, and she really enjoys sex when we have it.

She does work part time and our child is 4. I help around the house doing more than 50% of laundry, cooking, and cleaning. I do romantic stuff all the time and get no response usually and when I get a response its usually "you're just trying to get some".

I hear the same complaints from all my married friends. If there is a list of 5 things that have to be done in a day and sex with her husband is on it you can be guaranteed that it is the one thing that isn't done.

I'm sick of being rejected all the time.  I've sent her to day spas, bought her flowers, send her letters.  I have aways made her (and our child) the highest priority. Never putting myself first.  Help me, Obiwan Kenobe!  You're my last hope!
 
Dear Not-Gettin'-Any-Dude,
 
This is just another data point of how, just like soda left out, wives grow flat.

Okay, so pay attention.
 
The man a woman chooses to procreate with is not the man she wants post-kids. A woman chooses a husband to have children with using her biological envelope. Glands, in a word. It wasn't truly just her ovaries choosing you, it was a three organ committee consisting of brain, ovaries and heart, but the chairman was ovaries. That was the deciding factor.

Now there are little ones running around. Your job is complete. Being sexual with you would be redundant so long as your kids survive. There is no purpose for her to respond to you biologically.

Post-kids, and post-divorce, women seek an entirely different kind of man to date. In my research it was startling how different post-child boyfriends are from first husbands. The great thing is, no need to be jealous of the ex, because the woman's needs were so different post-child that she may as well be a different person.

This is the thing -- a woman changes so much in having children that she truly isn't the same human being after as she was before. A woman's personality is not truly set until after two or three kids.

As much as romance and sex are flat for you, if you left her and got divorced, within a year or two she would slim down, get trim, get a new wardrobe and a new set of friends, join Match dot com and within a year of that, she'd have a boyfriend she would be crazy about (he'll seem nothing like you) and she'll blush around him, caress his arm when they cook together, stare deeply into his eyes and come pretty for him when they have (frequent) sex.

I'm sorry, my friend. You are obsolete. It happened to me twice, and it really hurt with the second one because I'd already formulated this theory. Watching it happen to the second woman, when all that happened was children, just about made me want to eat the gun.

Think about two possible futures for you. One in which you keep the family together and try to put the part of you that is sexual to sleep. One in which you reach out for your happiness. Odds are, the latter is preferable.

Good luck.
 
 
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