CONTINENTAL DIVIDE / MARITAL DIVIDE
Dear Playboy Author Boy,
You are so funny! And you're right about affairs.. me and my lover are having one, but I actually want him for my entire life; he wants me too..it's like we found each other, only later in life, children grown, and maybe too late.. .any advice for that???? I'm 50, he's 54 and we are having the best sex of our lives, the best love... bad thing, we live on opposite sides of the country and are with our spouses for financial reasons.. what can we do??
Finally Found It In Fort Lauderdale
Dear Found It Girl,
Thank you for the good word. I know your situation very well, having lived it, or portions of it. My experience with post-kids true love leads me to think it is much more "real" than the biological (reproductive) imperative inspired "love" of our 20s and 30s. My experience with living with a wife while having a long term affair makes me realize the unhappiness I suffered and caused. And my experience with distance relationships tells me the answer. The thing comes down to the internal life of the mind of you and your affair partner. If the life you are leading is enough, don't change anything. If you want more, more, more of the lover, and staying with the present arrangement makes you unhappy, you have to contemplate change.
Three changes are huge though. A move for one of you, a divorce for one or both. Just ONE of those changes could crater the relationship (relationships seem much frailer than they should be, they don't survive big variations!). Then all that work to create the change to get a little more happiness causes that happiness to vanish and creates a catastrophe. It would be like the roulette table but betting a million dollars on one number but the reward is only a hundred dollars.
The other thing you can do is recognize that the affair is just a sign from the supreme being telling you to end your marriage. While that would lead to the end of the affair, it would leave you free to try again.
Good luck,
PBAB
1 comment:
I saw your answer you gave to someone who suspected his wife was cheating. And you used a line that really raised my eyebrow:
"Infidelity is the cry of the soul to be set free from the relationship."
Could this apply if a married woman was sending another man emails that were of a flirtatious nature - some feel that these kind of emails are cheating and if you feel it is would you then assume that this infedility is that she wants very much to be with the guy she is flirting with.
Thank you for your time.
GG
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