Dear PBAB,
My husband is my best friend but I want a divorce, how can I do this? We were very good friends through out high school and after and then realized we loved each other more than friends. We married 26+ years ago after living together for 3.5 yrs. Approx. 15 years ago I found out he was cheating on me with men. I thought I could get over it but apparently not. There is NO intimacy between us although I don't believe he is with another man again. We are at a stalemate because we get along so well. We are 49 and I can't stay in a relationship that has no romance or intimacy any longer. It seems the only thing holding this marriage together is our strong friendship. I need some advice on to proceed or cope because I don't want the reason for this to become public with friends or family if I seek their advice. I've filed for divorce already twice and reconciled and have seen a therapist also.
Signed,
Wondering in the City of Brotherly Love (No Pun Intended)
Dear Brotherly Love Chick,
You are forced to choose.
1. Stay with him and be unhappy.
2. Leave him, which takes courage and energy and will leave you in a thinner financial position.
3. Murder. Not recommended.
4. Suicide. Also not recommended.
5. Vanish into the night and disappear. Variation of 2 above but takes less courage.
6. Stay with him and have your own love life and sex life. Variation of 1 above except you get to be happier.
7. Ignore the problem. Get brainwashed by shrink to imagine that it doesn't matter to you.
Comments:
A. Are you heterosexual? Many times homosexual women marry men whoare closet gays to reduce the sexual demands on them. Clear sign that this is the case is your emphasis on this weird "friendship" which fills the descriptions of women who arrange passionless marriages with gay men.
B. If you are hetero, the urge to get out of this marriage would seemingly be stronger and you would not have stayed this long.
C. Your emphasis on the "friendship" seems just an excuse to cover your own guilt. What kind of friend marries someone who he is not attracted to? That's not very friendly. It condemns the partner to a life without marital sex. Besides, a few years after a divorce you can be friends again.
D. Please read through the rest of this blog to see if you recognize any patterns.
1. Stay with him and be unhappy.
2. Leave him, which takes courage and energy and will leave you in a thinner financial position.
3. Murder. Not recommended.
4. Suicide. Also not recommended.
5. Vanish into the night and disappear. Variation of 2 above but takes less courage.
6. Stay with him and have your own love life and sex life. Variation of 1 above except you get to be happier.
7. Ignore the problem. Get brainwashed by shrink to imagine that it doesn't matter to you.
Comments:
A. Are you heterosexual? Many times homosexual women marry men whoare closet gays to reduce the sexual demands on them. Clear sign that this is the case is your emphasis on this weird "friendship" which fills the descriptions of women who arrange passionless marriages with gay men.
B. If you are hetero, the urge to get out of this marriage would seemingly be stronger and you would not have stayed this long.
C. Your emphasis on the "friendship" seems just an excuse to cover your own guilt. What kind of friend marries someone who he is not attracted to? That's not very friendly. It condemns the partner to a life without marital sex. Besides, a few years after a divorce you can be friends again.
D. Please read through the rest of this blog to see if you recognize any patterns.
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