This is kind of embarassing, but I really need to say something. I think my husband is actually addicted to masturbating!!!!
I know he used to invest money in special "stuff" (toys, meds, etc...) for doing that when he was single. Although I thought that was strange, I thought it was over since he was with me. That was 3 years ago.
We've been having a lot of problems lately, and he's been going out of his way to hide things from me- clearing computer history, locking his truck with the keys in it so I can't get in (I searched and there was nothing there), clearing text messages, etc... eventually, I found one thing he had been hiding- a new "toy" right next to the computer with the cleared history! He had been rushing home from work anytime he knew I wasn't there and using it. He has been complaining often that I don't leave the house while he's there.
I thought he was having an affair, but I wasn't expecting THIS! A couple times when I've fallen asleep downstairs or he's thought I was up for the day and wouldn't be back in the bedroom, I have come back in to find him with his hand....there. Or running to the bathroom to wash up in the middle of the night! It's not that we don't have sex often because I don't want to...it's as if he's lost interest in me due to his "hobby"!
What IS this?! Is this an actual addiction thing? He says there is no porn involved, but I know that's not true. I confronted him only once about what I found, and he got very upset and embarassed then blamed me for not sleeping with him enough. When he did this stuff before we were together, I mentioned it once in passing as a joke and he said "Don't talk about that. I'm not proud of it." He's hiding it all from me and it's as if he's having an affair with HIMSELF!!!!
He is a sex addict and contrary to media opinion, sex addiction is so rare that many professionals don't believe it exists. However, those who believe in it see it everywhere, while those who don't dismiss cases like your husband's as "normal" or that you need to "spice things up in the bedroom."
First, the only thing you are doing wrong or have done wrong is that you picked this guy.
Second, his behavior is an addiction no less than alcoholism, and just like that very real disease, there is no real cure other than an AA group. People have various opinions on this, but a true sex addict after sex addicts' anonymous isn't really normal sexually ever. It would be like trying to let an alcoholic only drink beer -- eventually he's going through three cases a day. It's never enough. You can eliminate alcohol from a person's life and you can eliminate sex from it too, but that person is no longer normal enough to have a life with.
I recommend you consider ending this marriage and your relationship to this poor soul and engineer a way to move on with your life, and consider also getting some counseling to find out why this man became attractive to you and why you didn't see the signs that he was a sex addict.
Best of luck.
First, the only thing you are doing wrong or have done wrong is that you picked this guy.
Second, his behavior is an addiction no less than alcoholism, and just like that very real disease, there is no real cure other than an AA group. People have various opinions on this, but a true sex addict after sex addicts' anonymous isn't really normal sexually ever. It would be like trying to let an alcoholic only drink beer -- eventually he's going through three cases a day. It's never enough. You can eliminate alcohol from a person's life and you can eliminate sex from it too, but that person is no longer normal enough to have a life with.
I recommend you consider ending this marriage and your relationship to this poor soul and engineer a way to move on with your life, and consider also getting some counseling to find out why this man became attractive to you and why you didn't see the signs that he was a sex addict.
Best of luck.
